Post-Navajo Mission Trip Reflection

When one cries for an entire hour after saying goodbye to the St. Louis team at the airport, you know something special happened at Navajo. I walked into this trip with a lot of doubt, worry, and fear. Although this would be my fourth year on the mission trip, it was my first time being “VBS Oversight.” I had no idea what to expect, and I was anxious that I’d either have nothing to do or be overwhelmed with work during the trip. I was also a little bothered by the fact that my role did not involve direct interaction with the Navajo people. How would I be able to share God’s love with those that we’re going to minister to? I had also just finished spring quarter two weeks before and wasn’t fully recovered from a difficult, confusing, tiring, and turbulent school year. But as I learned last year, God always puts me in a place where He wishes to grow and mature me, so I prayed for peace, humility, love, strength, and opportunity, and expected great things.

            Sunday’s sermon aligned my priorities. The worship made me realize how numbed I was to God, and how I had emotionally insulated myself from everything for so long. I wanted to worship with the passion of the Navajo people, but I couldn’t. What was wrong? I sang, but my heart wasn’t in the song; I prayed, but my thoughts were elsewhere. The message, though the words bounced off like an arrow hitting a shield, reminded me that I was here to seek and to save the lost. I wasn’t here because I could spend another week with Lucy, William, and all my friends from St. Louis, but to do the work of the Lord. The most important things are God’s kingdom and winning souls for Him. I spent Monday’s quiet time repenting and praying through Psalm 51: “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.” I asked for His presence and wisdom to guide me as I “oversaw” VBS.

            Praise God for his grace and provision the first day of VBS! Everything ran smoothly with minimal kinks possible. But afternoon came and I realized I had to lead the Family Leader Meetings. On Sunday, Mrs. Manning made it clear that I was the leader and that she was not going to assist me during the meetings after the first day. I felt so inadequate; I was not the most experienced mission team member nor family leader, and I considered every single one of the family leaders my peer (all were my age and at most a couple years younger), an equal, and it felt quite uncomfortable that now I had to lead them. I prayed for help, and God sent Jeff to help me on Tuesday (he had a few words he wanted to tell the Family Leaders and joined our meeting that day). Because of this, I started relying on having Jeff around as an authority figure, yet I was reminded of 1 Timothy 4:12, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.” This verse gave me confidence and assurance that I was there because God had put me there; my position came from Him and that if God is with me, no one could be against me.

            Throughout the week, I also saw that, although I had no Navajo kids to love, God gave me twelve of His children to love and pray for. The family leaders became my “kids,” and I felt spiritually responsible for them. I spent a lot of my morning quiet time praying for them and soaking up Scripture so that I would be ready to love and encourage them so that they, in turn, could love and pour themselves into the Navajo children in their group. In my mind, the twelve family leaders ran parallel to Jesus’ twelve disciples. Although I am in no way Jesus, I asked and prayed how I could lead and serve them as Jesus led and served. What would be synonymous to feet-washing? I felt so honored and privileged to be able to care for the ground workers of VBS (those who spent the most time with the Navajo kids) that I was determined to do my best. As God broke down the emotional shield I had built around myself, I poured my time, energy, and thoughts into the leaders, staying up past lights-out to write them encouraging verses, buying them chocolate, giving back massages, and ultimately staying up until 4:30 am on Saturday to write each one a personal note. I hadn’t invested so much into so many, so intensely in such a long time, and it brought so much joy to see them flourish in the role God had assigned them to. Even those who felt like a failure the first day because their kids ran away ended the week with strong relationships with their families. Praise God for all the amazing family leaders this year, who not only did their part but also openly shared their experiences and readily gave suggestions on how to improve VBS each day.

            As I reflect on the past week, I feel an overwhelming sense of joy and fulfillment but also deep sadness that the week went by so fast, and we are all back to regular life. On Sunday, when Pastor Youwan preached about a living faith, he asked a question that helped us test whether or not our faith is alive: “When was the last time your heart was broken?” My heart broke last week at Navajo, for the family leaders who struggled, and for the children who did not know Jesus. But prior to that, I couldn’t think of a single instance in the past year when my heart was broken. Because I was so busy at school, I protected my heart from heartache as well as heartbreak; I did not love as Jesus loved, and my faith was as good as dead. This past week showed me that I’m capable of loving, and that I can use my great passion to meet the world’s (Navajo’s) great need. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to grow, serve, and love, and I hope and pray that what I’ve learned and experienced this week stays with me for a long, long time. As I get ready to fly to the other side of the world, I pray that I will also have similar opportunities to live a living faith and love as He loves.